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Instead, some men would rather withhold that moment for someone they can hold after knowing that they are permanent in their lives. Waiting until marriage is not a bad thing but for some guys, it's for the sake of emotional security. That may be true for some men, but you don't have to go far to find complaints from women who found out that this a man's reluctance for having sex before marriage was actually a cover for their erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, gay leanings, or just plain lack of interest in sex altogether -- all things which caused great heartache and failure of the marriage.
There is no simple solution, and waiting until marriage is no guarantee of anything either, though it does work for a few lucky couples. Test drive? Ok, how about this Since when is anybody owed that? Since when did sex become the be all end all? It's garbage entitlement like this that makes people like me feel empowered to deny sex altogether to anyone and everyone. Sex for some males It's disappointing when a religious man engages in sex with you then rejects you because he feels guilty about his religion and about sex before marriage.
It is more logical to marry the person instead of burning with passion and leading the other person on. Some 'religious' men are frauds who want their cake and eat it too. They act like women don't have needs, too, or that the woman's needs are irrelevant. I wanted a baby or baby's.
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That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. When I was young I married and had a child and raised him after my first wife and I got divorced. At 16, he moved back with his mother and I was left alone. I then worked hard for 20 years to get a good job, and a nice house and prepare for a nice marriage with a good woman.
I found the woman and married her but she put off the marriage for almost 3 years, then when we finally did marry it was almost to late.
Over a few years menopause set in and I was devastated. How could this happen? I was determined to have a family. I worked for it for almost 30 years and it never happened. Everything I wanted was a family. I should note that because of this, I love women and I love my wife, but once she told me it was "never going to happen" I felt like my life was destroyed. I felt betrayed and yet, she warned me about this. I felt like a fool and wanted to die at various times, I decided that I hoped to catch a disease and pass away.
I had a bad accident 2 years ago and the only thing I thought was how nice it would have been if I never woke up. I still to this day love my wife, but anytime I think about sex? Not the laugh of comedy but the laugh of pain I feel at my silliness. By now, I think of sex with other women and I feel normal, but my desire for my wife is pretty much non existent. Why do the medical professionals never ever indicate that "maybe".. How strange am I that I want children? I think it is horrendous that all of society is based on the idea that every man is scared to have children and doesn't want them.
I think people that never even consider the feelings of men that want children are mean, sexist and arrogant. I can't do anything now cause I am If I had a child with any woman, I would be 87 when that child turned How could I be there for him or her? But that doesn't stop me from wanting it. That feeling of loss of meaning of my life almost destroyed me but I have recovered.
What I have not recovered is my sex drive with my wife. I am afraid it's just gone. Anytime I think of sex, I grin and laugh at myself due to the pain I feel. Of course, I shouldn't want a family right? What was I thinking!!!!!!!!! How many times has that been part of a tv comedy or drama, and every single time I see it, I feel angry at the stereotype. I find that stereotype everywhere and it seems to be all pervasive. I just can't stand it so I keep away from all modern culture so I don't have to put up with the pain when I see it.
Billboards talking about using a condom? Painful for me. They make me want to throw up. It is hard to live a life where everyone is so stupid not to cherish the chance to have a child. My nephew? Got a vasectomy at age 19 and then 10 years later was going to doctors trying to get it reversed.. Oh, and please don't tell me about all the unwanted children I could adopt.
Been there. Not what I want. Anyway, I don't want self help groups, counseling sessions, Been there, and tried that as well. I only wanted a baby or baby's.
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If you want to console me with all the ways around this issue, then forget it. I am not interested. I am pursuing my only realistic course, and distracting myself every time I think on it. That's the only thing I want now. Calvin, I'm in the same boat. I desire marriage and children.
I have ever since I was a young woman. It's honorable and desirable to share life with someone and to bring beautiful people into the world in celebration of that love bond and to make the world an even better place. In fact, I've felt betrayed and disrespected by them.
Nothing is ever good enough for them. If I'm independent, they don't want me. If I'm dependent, they don't want me. If I'm myself, they don't want me. If I'm angry, they don't want me. If I'm happy, they don't want me. If I'm sad, they don't want me. If I'm rich, they don't want me. If I'm poor, they don't want me. If I'm successful, they don't want me. If I fail, they don't want me. I'm sure that there is someone out there that does want me and that the Universe will bring us together.
I empathize with you, Calvin. You worked hard and didn't get what you wanted. I know how badly that hurts. I don't have any answers for you, dear, but know that you are not alone and that someone cares and hopes that the Universe BLESSES you with your desire, sweetheart. Exactly the same thing with me. In my profession I speak and counsel with thousands of men, and the second I share with them my experience, which is exactly the same as your's, I find them opening up and talking about the same feelings and experience.
They start by laughing as I describe the experience at the fertility clinics full of magazines in the waiting areas that are geared to women - Chatelaine, Style at Home, Cosmopolitan - and every brochure talking about sex and intimacy from a woman's perspective. The colours and decor all geared to making the woman comfortable, and the doctors speaking entirely to her, other than a brief handshake, though it wasn't clear at that point where the problem with fertility lay.
And then the time for the sample. I'm given a little cup - a LITTLE cup with a circumference so small a 6 year old would have difficulty peeing into it, let alone a man that's about to make love to it. And I'm ushered into a room - kid you not - with a shag carpet floor - orange and brown, a vinyl chaise and an old dresser like you found in Grandpa's garage. I'm told that there will be "material" inside the dresser and to "take my time. Apparently they were printed before the development of the razor blade. And as I try to perform my "manly duties" I listen to the nurses, doctors and patients standing just outside the door which is clearly marked as to its purpose by the way , as they chat about their weekends.
And sex becomes a technical exercise, and any time you have it after that it feels like you are both doing it out of some sense of obligation, and then there's the rejection that you just can't bother with anymore and that couch looks better and better. IT would Be emasculating for u bro you but ya its quite common in my friend circle it happens a lot. But he watches porn? Our sex life has been down hill since our 40's, when I was 50 I told him I was sick of begging for sex and being turned down. Now I am 62, I am a very young in shape 60 yr. I just don't understand why people say their life isn't fulfilled when sex isn't there.
Maybe find something else to do? Really, that this is even considered a problem boggles my mind. I have suffered from Situational Inhibited Ejaculation pretty much all my life. It is 'situational" because it only happens when I am i n a relationship as opposed to one night stand or paid sex. When I was single I thought it was caused by being easily bored sexually. When the dysfunction would crop up, usually the second or third time having sex with the same woman I would simply break it off and start up with someone else until the situation would repeat itself.
But when I got married and this sexual dysfunction started with my future wife it became a huge problem. We decided to seek help from a therapist which started us on a journey that would last four years, going from therapist to therapist unable to find anyone who could help or even discover a cause. I had a normal sex drive I just couldn't achieve orgasm and sex without orgasm, to me is hardly worth the trouble.
Knowing I had the problem and trying again and again with ther same person would cause me to also have the inability to achieve an erection and none of the new at the time erection enhancing pills worked because, I was told there was no sexual desire at that point.
I can orgasm with masturbation but not with my wife present in the room. After we were told time and again there was nothing that could be done we both just settled on living in a sexless marriage and we have been married now for over 30 years. I think we are still both sexually lonely but apparently this problem can't be fixed. I have to say I think you and most of the people in current society have a problem. None of you look at the facts and draw the obvious conclusions. The lack of sex drive is simple. If you want children..
I mean deep down inside to make your life mean something then when you have sex with your wife you will or would have felt the desire to ejaculate inside her. That is it. That's what it is. You love sex but never wanted children. Probably scared of the responsibility. Each time you would have sex with a new woman, that fear wasn't there, but after a time or two, it sank in that you may have made her pregnant and you feaked out and turned off the sex drive.
I know cause I have a strong sex drive with my wife every day before her menopause but after it I lost it. I wanted children. She wanted sex it was great. But now that she can't have children my drive is gone and she still wants sex. I feel guilty and sad, but it is gone. I take that to mean that the ejaculating inside of her is my way to show her I want her to have my baby and if you don't want a baby you will loose your sex drive.
No no you are way off. We have 2 kids, now grown. They were conceived using AI Artificial Insemination as long as the man can masturbate alone he can have children. He just collects the sperm and his wife using a special plastic syringe to inject the sperm into her vagina.
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One of the last therapists we went to theorized I suffer from intimacy anxiety which shuts down my sexual functioning. According to her this was caused by childhood abuse. Wow my husband would just jerk off too and I'm here waiting for him to make a move and it's been years.
But he is trying he went and got some pills we shall see I dont know if he even finds me attractive or do able I should say lol. I got married 2 years ago and it just seemed that there was no excitement in my sex life. My dysfunction to perform to the best of my abilities in bed made it harder for my wife and me to have a good time during sex. And i was having the feelings that she may decide to get a divorce one day. I knew something had to be done in order to improve my sex life and to save my marriage because my marriage was already falling apart, so when i was on my Facebook page i came across a story of how Dr itua helped him enlarged his penis to 9ins better.
You can as well reach the Dr below for help on your problem, for he has the solution to all Many men have not disclosed, even to their wives. I have been living in a sexless marriage for over 25 years. My husband recently told me that he was abused by his mother as a preteen. Ever since our wedding night I have been frustrated and confused about his lack of desire. We have had therapy, but he has physical issues now plus the emotional issues. How does it feel as women when your husband doesn't want sex? I want to know. Do you feel sexually frustrated? The sexual intimacy experience for a woman is so very different, than it is for the man.
Yes, she was easily excitable when you all were in the dating phase. But men and women, both, get lazy in bed too. It's not just because she's gets older. So, it changes for both partners after marriage.. He gets old, ugly, unattractive, and gains weight just like she does. We need to stop lying about the wife being the only one to change for the worse. It's just those factors, that affect both partners. Most of those stress factors, were not there and they both were more exciting partners as singles. See, women get bored and turned off by their husbands, just as much.
Men think it's just them that get bored. Yeah right, and my pig can sing the National Anthem. For a woman, sex is not that high on the ladder, anyway. It's not. It's enjoyable, but it's not the high priority. Other things often place above the sex. Example, if you give a working mother the choice between getting extra sleep, or waking up at am to be intimate, which do you think she would choose? But for the man, which do you think he would choose. See, for woman sex is not interesting, without the touch, she needs and wants for good intimacy.
Men don't need all that foreplay or touch. Men are more ready. So when we speak about how some wives often, find excuses, for avoiding sex, we can look back at the previous passages, to get some clues. Think there are things in our diets--chemicals we ingest, things in our environment, maybe even something in our social environment--SOMETHING seems to be impacting men systemically on a large scale.
I don't have answers, but I think it's part of the conversation, or at least part of the research questions. Don't know about the narcissism comment. I think that was probably a value judgement from the author, and I don't think it's a defensible assertion. How about rejection? I've never 'begged' for sex, but when my wife is rarely in the mood, or I have to insist on a kiss that's more than just a peck, or when I try to show off I'm pretty fit and get laughs because I'm "being silly," I'm going to stop trying to be intimate or even initiate normal romantic gestures because it's not worth the disappointment and hurt feelings.
Men need to feel wanted too. Your reaction makes sense. I'm sorry that's the way it is for you. I agree with you, men do need to feel desired. Maybe that's a function of the changing roles, or maybe it's always been that way, but only recently has it been okay to admit. The problem with feminism is it captured ALL of the attention, but only put out half of the narrative.
Looking at feminism from an objective perspective, there were some good results and some bad results--like every other human thing we do. The conversation isn't over. It's time for men to start talking about our side of it now. Thanks for your honesty. I think rejection is the primary factor. Sick and tired of getting "no. I think it's the largest motivator in affairs too. Back about 20 years ago, I began to notice that the few times I was having sex with my wife were becoming fewer. When I'd ask my wife about this, she denied it was happening and that we were "having sex a lot more than we used to.
Over the course of a year, I went from once a month sex to once-every-two-months sex, then once every three months. It didn't help that I was being led on with "let's have sex later" when it wasn't possible, only to get "I'm tired" or "I don't feel good" when later came around. I tell you this, because after a celibate stretch of almost 4 months, I was asked by my wife why I wasn't asking for sex.
She denied refusing me and insisted that we were having sex once a week. Then I showed her the calendar, and told her why I was tracking sex. I never heard those lies again. So after a long string of rejections, I just decided that I'd had enough and stopped asking for sex. The odd benefit from this is that my wife has been easier to live with, because I have essentially tuned her out and it's clear that she doesn't care about that. I don't feel loved or desired, but I also don't have my sleep sabotaged nightly because she's mad at me. There are way, way too many men in our culture who feel that intercourse and intercourse only is sex.
It is just ONE act of sex. Even if a man has testosterone issues and sometimes, with certain medications like Lexapro that make your partner less depressed by less sexually interested, nothing can really be done to save that. It is more important that he be happy than you having him banging you every night , he still has the ability to go down on you and give you oral sex. You don't need to have massive testosterone to do that.
That's just an act of love. What is interesting is. I am 39, I have low testosterone and I dont like sex or even want a girl friend.